New Runway Season, I've got a little bone to pick with you. Come on over here and have a chat, will you? Have a seat by the fire, put up your feet, have a lovely little glass of something, and let me tell you how much this season is giving me the sads.
Look, Lifetime, you get a break right out of the gate because you're new. I understand that because of the lawsuit, many of the challenges had to be scrapped and new ones shoehorned in quickly; presumably that's why these designers also got so many one-day challenges. We are sympathetic to the fact that this season might not be as great as it could have been for reasons beyond your control, and cognizant of how hard a lot of people worked to even be able to finish out and air Season 6.
Now, with season 7 already finished, this chat could turn out to be totally moot. But since you can't tell me about it and I can't see it, you have to put on your best Tyra face and pretend that everything I'm saying is valid. Agreed? Cool.
Because chicklets? This is not working. You Made It Work, but it's a hot mess up on that runway. This week contained the lamest overall group of garments we've seen so far this season, which is especially sad because this year we have one of the best overall groups of designers, skill-wise.
The 2 seconds they got to sketch and 5 bucks in 30 seconds at Mood with the hour to complete the thing? Has to go. Good quality work takes time. Even getting 30 minutes of sketching time, $200-, and two days is a huge challenge. Squashing these challenges into such a small timeframe sucked all the Project Runway goodness out of them. I imagine you're hearing this from many sources, and again I hope it ends up being moot because Season 7 is hugely better and the designers are not given such sad challenges as "make something for INC and it has to be blue; you've got 15 minutes to sketch -- but wait! you have to work in teams and one of you will be chosen as Captain, and even though you have to produce two looks, you've only got $100- and 20 minutes at Mood, and oh! -- you only have one day. Hahahaha, we're not kidding; did we mention no one will get immunity?"
This was the first episode this season that not a single one of the garments made me sit up and say "Oooo" or "that's so interesting!" or even "I want that." And this season has had the fewest memorable looks overall, so far. Even the really bad stuff has mostly been bad in the blandest, dullest ways. Like I said, the Project Runway goodness is lacking. At first I was grateful that the Suedes and Blaynes were quickly being eliminated, but now I almost long for a designer who's going to give us the most shockingly awful clothes, just to have something shake the place up. This rapid succession of one-day challenges is wearing everyone down, including the viewers.
So Lifetime, I hope this feedback has been helpful in some way. You can hang out and finish your drink while I go ahead and recap this week's ep, OK? Oh, and please stay in New York for the rest of the show's run. Thanks!
This week's challenge involves first sketching two looks for Macy's INC line, with the only allowed color being blue. Each designer is given an INC dossier and 15 minutes to sketch. They will then each present their designs to Martine Reardon from INC, who will choose 5 designers, who will then become Team Leaders and be called in random order to choose a partner. After the aforementioned tiny amount of time, the usual barf-faced interviewing from Nicolas and Irina, and Tim with no tie (?!?!?!), we arrive at the runway:
YAY KORS IS BACK YAY but still no Nina. There is now the expected level of orange amongst the judging panel, which this week consists of Heidi, Kors, the above-mentioned Martine Reardon (executive VP of INC), and the stand-in for Nina's stand-in, Zanna Roberts of Marie Claire (who has the cutest accent). Strap in and get ready for the fug, ladies and gentlemen!
all images via Lifetime
The winning dress: Irina (Team Captain) and Gordana:
Yes, this boring dress was the winner. Irina refused to even choose between Shirin and Gordana and made them choose; poor Gordana had the misfortune to decide to work with someone who has no respect for her. Rather than give Gordana supervision and direction, which Gordana desperately wanted, Irina just wanted Gordana to go away and just get the work done by herself. Then she threw Gordana under the bus in the most snotty, self-serving way. Sure, Irina made that pattern herself - a labor-intensive process that made the model look like she'd soon be getting acquainted with labor herself -- of the baby kind. Sorry, but that dress is unflattering, the bust is uneven and only for someone flat-chested, and the cut is so boring. The oufit Gordana put together is probably my least-hated look this week:
It's not awful, though the skirt is too tight and not that flattering. The top's kind of cute, actually. Irina attempted to put this fugly fur stripe down the front of this; thankfully Gordana had the taste to get rid of it.
Althea (Team Captain) and Logan:
Althea definitely has a style; I knew this was hers as soon as it came out. I don't like the cut of the jacket -- it's almost comically cropped. Also, that skirt, which was too short/high-slitted in the first place, rode up on that model until her hooha could have offered a hello and a handshake. It's like one of those "real clothes" stripper outfits than end up on the floor within a couple of minutes. Fits about as well as this next look:
The fit of those pants is terrible. If you tried those on at the store and looked in the mirror and this was looking back, you'd throw those suckers onto the rejection pile. The top looks really cheap; maybe it's the fabric choice, or the color? And is it just my computer & TV, or there nothing blue in this outfit?
Louise (Team Captain) and Nicolas:
Louise, who had first pick, foolishly chose the designer with Immunity to be her partner. He had zero motivation to make her designs better, rein her in when she wanted to stick fluffy things all over the place, or add any of his own ideas. Resulting in this week's Losing dresses, and Louise getting the auf:
In describing this nightmarish dress, I've seen folks around the net mention "giant pubes", "chest hair applique" and "merkin dress." I myself think it rather looks like the model ate Cookie Monster and then puked all over herself. However, unsurprisingly, I think Kors says it best with this face:
This dress was slightly less terrible, but not by that much:
I don't understand what they did to make Kojii look so old. It's just bizarre. Anyway, this basic dress with pointless ruffles kind of speaks for itself, doesn't it? It sucks to see Louise, who makes beautiful clothes and has an adorable personality, create such crappy designs. We know she can do so much better than this clown shite.
Carol Hannah (Team Captain) and Shirin
These two have successfully worked together before, so it wasn't a surprise to see them turn out my second-least-hated look tonight:
I really wish they hadn't added the tie around the neck -- this looked much better on the mannequin without it. And the cut-out back is too much with the diagonal skirt buttons - pick one, or the other.
Here's a dull, dull outfit you could find at Old Navy. And I don't like Carol's penchant for oval-shaped belts:
Okay, from the front, it's actually kind of pretty. But from the back, this just looks really poorly-made and the hem is not flattering. Sadness.
And last, and... least, Christopher (Team Captain) and Epperson:
These poor guys really thought, and Tim seemed to give them the impression too, that they were a Dream Team that had revamped the Shirt Dress and were going to hit big with their two looks. While the two designers got along great, the results were startlingly bad. Looking at this from the back, you can see why Kors thought it looked to be made of a tablecloth. The shininess of the fabric is cheap-looking. However, this is one totally fabulous dress compared to this next horrendous look:
Bubble-shaped backless satin top with ruffly neck bib and leggings, Chris? Really? Kors called it a "disco pumpkin", which I don't get given it's neither pumpkin-colored nor disco but nevertheless, that's an excellent phrase. Christopher, who cries a ton on the runway and makes us all feel bad for him, has to be certifiable if he thinks any woman would wear this voluntarily, let alone pay money to do so. Not even Bai Ling would touch this shit. These two looks got these two in bottom place along with Louise and Nicolas, and I couldn't disagree with the judges.
Overall, this was such a disappointing week, and it was sad to see Louise go home. You'll be missed, Vintage Girl!
Next week: Everyone's had just about enough, poor Shirin breaks down, ex-brides turn their gowns into a new outfit, and Heidi finally realizes the directions for the challenges have been incomprehensible. See you then, chickens!