Saturday, October 17, 2009

Project Runway Episode 9: Irony: It's Tasty and Nutritious!

Previously on Project Runway, our designers had to create new outfits out of tacky old wedding dresses.  Irina got snitty,  Shirin cried, a whole lot of ugly outfits went down the runway, Gordana finally won, and Epperson was sent home for a dress that really wasn't that awful.

This week, we begin with cutie Shirin doing some yoga with some fierce attitude, inter-cut with her interviewing a little self pep-talk.  Carol makes a Tortoise/Hare analogy as she notes that while she hasn't won, she hasn't lost either, so she's not in the middle of the pack.  Er... yes you are?  Still, she's too nice to hold it against her.

Heidi cutely mocks herself as she presents their next challenge in riddle format.  The designers must create a look that will "upstage the rest."  They set off to meet Tim, who is waiting with a very special guest.

The guest is the legendary Sultan of Sequins, Bob Mackie, who has designed big showpiece outfits for an enormous list of clients; most of you may remember him best for Cher's outlandish costumes.  Nicolas nearly dies of adoration.  Tim tells the designers they will be creating a bob Mackie-inspired extravagant stage look for a 5-time Grammy-winning artist.  The artist is... anticipation, anticipation, anticipation... Christina Aguilera!  Everyone dies, except for Logan, who smiles politely while trying to remember who that is.    Nicolas, who assures us that his work in real life is Very Grand, interviews that "this is, by far, The Best Project Runway Moment Ever."   Chris drags out the vastly-overused term "icon" to describe Aguilera.  If you say so, Chris!

For the first time in what feels like all season, the designers get a sane two days and $300- to create their look.  Still not much sketch time or many minutes at Mood, though.  The designers get to do their sketching amongst the Mackie displays in the FIDM museum, which are, of course, incredible.  Carol interviews that she doesn't often make things that are just for show.  But didn't she say last week that she made a lot of wedding dresses?  How much more "for show" can you get than that?

Off to Mood, where designers are madly dashing to grab as much sparkly shit  as possible.  "Must. Buy. Everything!" Shirin cries.  Nicolas sniffs at the other designers buying prefab sequined/beaded fabric, noting that Mackie uses layers of different fabrics to create his own patterns, and so does he.  Well, la-di-freaking-da then.  He also says "couture" in the most annoying way.  Not to be out-annoying-ed, Irina is snarking at Those Lameasses who don't know what they're doing.  La-di-da to you too, Princess.  But she's not done yet!  According to her, Carol has no taste and Shirin "isn't even a designer."  Please, just shut up and sew.

Random side note:  Carol is so much fun.  I bet she's really cool to work with.

Poor Gordana is having a really hard time.  Every time she cuts into her beaded fabric, whole rows of beads come apart.  She ends up having a bit of a breakdown and completely starts over the next morning  She's just so fried, mentally and physically. Nicolas is working with handfuls of feathers, slightly worried about creating an ice-skating costume.  Shirin is making some kind of scary-looking tattery gown.

Chris is creating a reveal that doesn't reveal much of anything.  Althea is also doing a reveal-that-isn't-really with a jacket.  Tim's got Halloween on the brain, saying that it's like both of them want their model to come down the runway in a pumpkin and pop out.  We are *rolling* at Chez Boogie.  Gordana's dress is looking "matronly."  She admits to Tim that much as she doesn't want to rely on her immunity, she's basically checked the hell out.  Tim thinks that Nicolas is doing a retread of his Ice Princess gown, but I don't think it looks *that* similar.  It's white and shiny, yeah.  Carol's got some Wow Factor going on.  Shirin's got "Guinivere meets Vampira," in a very student way.  He's not telling her to trash it, though, of course.  (He's telling her to shred it.)

Next morning:  models, fittings, snarkery, blah blah.  Irina isn't done being tacky, badmouthing Carol to her model.  She calls Carol "so mediocre," a statement that will later prove to be deliciously ironic.  But she can't even stop there; she says that if you're going to be a mediocre designer, you should at least have a good personality.  Stay classy, Irina!  Even Nicolas thinks Irina is a brat who is mean to people.  Agreeing with Nicolas is not something I'm used to.  It feels kinda funny.

Anyway:  Macy's, L'Oreal, Tresemme.  Let's go to the runway!

Nina is back!!!  She's joined on the judging panel by Mackie, Heidi of course, and Christina Aguilera her very own self!  Oh dear, Christina, the bangs are really not the best look for you.  Still, she's cute as a button.  Let's start the show!

We begin with Althea's look:

Not a bad entry, though the train was way too stiff and heavy-looking, and impractical for someone like Aguilera to move in.

Logan next gives us this really dismal outfit:

If I never see another farking Wilma Flintstone dress again, it will be too soon.  The shrug-thingy looks like a remnant someone just threw on.  Logan put some chains on the back of it, to go with the chain on the shoulder of the dress, but it looked really piddly for a stage look.  There's some lacing up the side, but it just gives the effect, from the front, of a bumpy lizard.  I'm pretty amazed at how basic and dull this dress is.  And Logan still cannot fit a bust.

Next, the gown that Shirin managed to cobble together:

Oh, Shirin, this is just really bad.  The bodice had a good concept, though the execution was bad and created a bit of a titscrepancy, as TLo would say.  Below that is just a raggedy-looking mess.  I'm pretty surprised that Shirin could produce something so, well, yucky-looking.  Irina is shown making a barfy face.  At least put on a poker face out of respect, dimwit.

Last week, Chris showed us a belted silver Hefty-bag bubble.  This week, it's a black crumply bubble over the tackiest corset I've seen in a long time, and a really poor knockoff of the little tiered hot pants that Aguilera wore in Lady Marmalade.  It's just really not-good:

Chris called this a "showpiece."  Well, it's *some* kind of piece, for sure.

I hate to say it, but I can call it straight (no pun intended, har har har): I thought Nicolas made the best dress for Aguilera.

This looked a bit better on the runway than in photos, actually.  It had nice detailing and movement, and with a couple of small changes to the bust, I could totally see Aguilera in this dress.  The skirt needs to be more filled in, but I'm sure time constraints threw a bit of a spanner in the works with that.

Gordana's breakdown definitely showed in her dress:

The workmanship on this dress bears little resemblance to what won for Gordana last week.  The back is jacked-up, the upper hem is all wonky, and what in the world did she do to the poor model's boobies with that design in the bust?  Yech.

Irina shows us a standard sequined Victoria's Secret/stripper look:

Yawn. Next!

I wasn't at all impressed with Carol's dress at first, but the more I see it, the more I like it:

I really think it'd need a little tweaking for the stage, because there is so little contrast, but this is actually quite good.  It's understated, and sexy without being slutty.

Judging time!  Irina is safe.  That's right, miss Everyone-Else-is-Mediocre, your work today was exactly that: mediocre.  Even better, Carol's dress is the winner.  Ha!  Congratulations, Carol.  (And sorry that I never bother to add the Hannah to your name, but there's only so many seconds in the day to indulge the multi-named.)

The bottom three consist of Shirin, Chris, and Logan.  The judges see Shirin's dress as an upscale Halloween costume.  Logan's has a cavewoman thing going on, and you can't even see the colored lining he used, so what's the point of that?  Chris's is just ridiculous and has been done anyway.  The auf goes to... Shirin.  Awwww!  Considering that most of her work has been very good, while Logan's has been pretty consistently average or below-average, and Chris has turned in several duds lately, Shirin defiinitely does not deserve to go home.  You'll be missed, sweetie!  Good luck!

Next week: Kors AND Nina, together again!  Rodeo Drive!  Irina still being a bitch!  Ugly, unwearable clothes!  Chris crying at judging, again.  Ruh-roh.  See you then!

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